I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
