i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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