you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
