she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
