First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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