Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
