Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
