Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
