a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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