Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
