If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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