Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
