just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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