roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
