If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
