I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
