I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
