You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
