All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
