Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Welp...herpes.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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