Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
