i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
