Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do vagina's smell?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
