You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
