Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
