Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
