So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
