Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
