My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
