I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
