don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
