I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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