Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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