i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It's just like the Real World with babies
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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