my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
