dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
