My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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