oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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