I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
