Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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