You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
