you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
