Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
