Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
