nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
