I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
