I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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