dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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