you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
