I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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